Introduction
After the loss of a loved one there is, at first, a great buzz of
activity as we make arrangements, as family and friends
come together. There is comfort in the close press of friends,
in shared tears and hugs, in gifts of food, in remembering.
Religious services give meaning and hope as the community
gathers around us in love and support.
But then the services are over, relatives and friends go
home, and we are left to enter a new and strange land—a
land where one of the persons who has given meaning to
our life is gone.
Now there are spaces in the mind, spaces in the days and
nights. Often, when we least expect it, the pain and the
preoccupation come back, and back—sometimes like the
rolling crash of an ocean wave, sometimes like the slow ooze
after a piece of driftwood is lifted and water and sand rise
to claim their own once more.
This process goes on for a very long time. For years, not
for days or months, if the loved one has been close. Some
losses—a child, a spouse—are never “got over.” But if we
are wise and fortunate and have the courage and support
to tread the hallowed ground again and again, the loss will
begin to lose its controlling power. We will be able to choose.
We will be able to walk back from a danger zone