time to get over a bad attachment, and they don’t get to decide how
long it will take. Only when every single cell in their body is completely
convinced that there is no chance that their partner will change or that
they will ever reunite will they be able to deactivate and let go.

ESCAPE FROM ALCATRAZ

Even without knowing about the rebound effect, Marsha could see that
she was in trouble. After all, she had experienced the rebound effect
before. Marsha was afraid that she might have a change of heart
again, and she was greatly relieved when Craig took matters into his
own hands—standing by his word to leave, the next time she
threatened him with divorce. The night she said she wanted out,
everything happened very quickly. She packed a small bag and called
her sister to pick her up right away. From an attachment perspective,
this was a very well-planned departure.
Being near her sister in a familiar, nurturing environment helped with
one aspect of her distressed attachment system; talking to her friends
on the phone and getting their support was another; eating ice cream
and chocolate, yet another. None of these comforts completely
relieved her separation distress, and sometimes she lost sight of why
she had needed to break up with Craig. Then her friends and family
would remind her, sometimes on an hourly basis, why it was
necessary.

WHEN DEACTIVATING STRATEGIES ARE A

GOOD THING

Long before she actually made a break, Marsha had been
unconsciously preparing her escape by beginning to deactivate her
attachment system. After trying for years to make things work with