up to friends and family about what your relationship is
really like. This will rekindle friendships you might have
neglected due to shame or plain misery, and will also
prepare them to help you when you make your move
(see how in strategy 7).
- Find a comforting, supportive place to stay for the
first few nights. You’ll need all the support you can get
at first. The temptation to rebound is very strong.
Parents, siblings, or your closest friends can help you
control that urge.
- Get your attachment needs met in other ways.
Recruit support from the people closest to you and seek
diversions like a massage, plenty of exercise, and
comforting, healthy food. The more you are able to quiet
down your attachment system, the less painful the
separation will be.
- Don’t be ashamed if you slip up and go back to
“the scene of the crime.” Obviously you’re better off
not reestablishing contact with your ex, but if you end up
doing so, don’t beat yourself up. It is very important that
you be compassionate with yourself. The worse you feel
about yourself, the more you’ll want to go back to the
false safety of the bad relationship you were in. Your
attachment system gets activated more when you feel
bad about yourself and an activated attachment system
means wanting to renew contact even more.
- If you’re having a hard time, don’t feel guilty.
Remember, the pain is real! Friends might urge you to
forget about your ex, stop feeling sorry for yourself, and
move on quickly. But we know that the pain you’re feeling
is real, so don’t deny it. Instead, be kind to yourself and
find ways to pamper your body and soul. You would if
you had a broken leg!
- When you get flooded with positive memories, ask
a close friend for a reality check. Remind yourself that
