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THE ENGLISH HOME 135Christmas divides the world into twocamps: one either loves it or hates it. Itwill bring out either the best or the worstof one’s character and, without knowingsomeone well, it can be difficult to tell which it will be.I learned fairly early on in our relationship that Mr Mwill most years likely side with Ebenezer Scrooge.Whilst he is all for a traditional lunch of goose, roastpotatoes and all the trimmings, he is rarely inclined toshare it with anyone but the children. If I evenmention seeing friends, inviting family over or – evenworse – suggesting we go and visit anyone, it is metwith a tantrum or a sulk that could last until Easter.Christmas should be about spreading goodwill,getting together with people we love or – if love is toostrong – at least those to whom we are related in someway. Mr M believes family trees should be brutallypruned at the first generation mark. He does not mindhis own children and, under the right circumstances(usually involving a hearty lunch and a good singlemalt), he is actually rather fond of his parents.Mention cousins to him, however, and he absolutelyfails to see the point.On the other hand, I am very fond of my extendedfamily and my large circle of friends, and would ratherlike to spend at least a little time with them over thefestive period. From stringent research, I know this isa theme that plays out in drawing rooms all over thecountry. As the more organised half of a couple, a wifewill raise – say in mid October – the thorny subject ofwhose parents they will be spending Christmas with.And so battle commences and etiquette becomes key.It is at this time of year that one’s good manners aresorely tested. Of course it is extremely unfair if onlyone set of parents gets to see the grandchildren over``````the celebrations, and one must set aside one’s feelingsand ensure they are, as it were, fairly spread around. Ifit is impossible to imagine Christmas lunch withappalling parents, then at least try to pop in for aquick sherry on the way to somewhere more agreeable.Many couples go for a more mathematical approachand visit, or invite to stay, each set of parents everyother year. Others, who have many spare bedrooms,and an abundance of patience, manage to entertaineveryone each year. The upside of this is that it canmean one has done one’s duty and can often get awaywith not seeing them for at least another eight weeksonce the festive period is done and dusted. Thedownside is that one needs the patience of a saint andan exceptionally well stocked drinks cabinet.It is also important to remember that not everyoneloves – or even celebrates – Christmas. This could bea matter of religious belief, the politics of anti-consumerism, or simply having a family so vile it iseasier not to celebrate than have to deal with the sortof squabbling that would tax the United Nations.I have noticed of late a rather strange phenomenon:once, we all complained bitterly as Christmas cardsand decorations wenton sale in thesupermarkets as soonas the children wentback to school. Now,in the age of socialmedia, many of usare just as guilty ofmaking the run-upstretch for aneternity. I, for one,am quite happy toMrs Minerva Writes...BELOW RIGHTWith its humoroussubtext, this cardmakes a wrycomment upon thesocial politics thatcan occur during thefestive season.‘Let the arguingbegin’ gold foilChristmas card,£3.50, Not on theHigh Street.comThe art ofNEGOTIATINGCHRISTMASPassionate about quintessential Englishcustoms, our incognito columnist reminds usto do the best things in life in the most elegantfashion, always with a twinkle in her eyeTEH UK DEC15 Mrs M.indd 135 14/10/2015 10:36