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smelling underclothes also when we ladies are unwell, and
swab out our latrines with dress pinned up and a dishclout
tied to your tail. Won’t that be nice? (He places a ruby ring
on her finger) And there now! With this ring I thee own. Say,
thank you, mistress.
BLOOM: Thank you, mistress.
BELLO: You will make the beds, get my tub ready, emp-
ty the pisspots in the different rooms, including old Mrs
Keogh’s the cook’s, a sandy one. Ay, and rinse the seven of
them well, mind, or lap it up like champagne. Drink me
piping hot. Hop! You will dance attendance or I’ll lecture
you on your misdeeds, Miss Ruby, and spank your bare bot
right well, miss, with the hairbrush. You’ll be taught the
error of your ways. At night your wellcreamed bracelet-
ted hands will wear fortythreebutton gloves newpowdered
with talc and having delicately scented fingertips. For such
favours knights of old laid down their lives. (He chuckles)
My boys will be no end charmed to see you so ladylike, the
colonel, above all, when they come here the night before the
wedding to fondle my new attraction in gilded heels. First
I’ll have a go at you myself. A man I know on the turf named
Charles Alberta Marsh (I was in bed with him just now and
another gentleman out of the Hanaper and Petty Bag office)
is on the lookout for a maid of all work at a short knock.
Swell the bust. Smile. Droop shoulders. What offers? (He
points) For that lot. Trained by owner to fetch and carry,
basket in mouth. (He bares his arm and plunges it elbowdeep
in Bloom’s vulva) There’s fine depth for you! What, boys?
That give you a hardon? (He shoves his arm in a bidder’s