140 I Can Read You Like a Book E
Secretiveness, therefore, is characterized by large amounts
of contained energy. Look for adaptors, the gestures of energy
displacement. There is a direct relationship between the amount of
energy someone is fighting to hold in or displace, and the significance
of the secret.
When obsessed with a singular issue, a person has single direc-
tion; this is especially true with secretiveness. Everything in the
person’s mind revolves around the importance of covering tracks
and preventing discovery. That plays out in clues. For example, just
as a child obsessed with Santa turns every conversation to Santa, a
secretly cheating spouse will take odd turns in conversation to
reference or avoid reference to infidelity. When referencing infi-
delity, she is likely testing the water for how he feels about it or
what he knows. When avoiding, she knows how he will react and
wants to stay away at all costs from the topic. Either will create a
contrived sort of division of the conversation. It reminds me of a
story I heard from someone learning to drive a race car. The in-
structor said, “Don’t look at the wall or you’ll hit it.” So what do
most people do. They look at the wall. It’s just human nature.
Secretive people who are skillful maintain strict external focus.
They want to stay away from too much of what is in their own
heads—they don’t want to hit the wall—and they want to focus on
the other person’s conversation. First of all, this allows him an
opportunity to discover what the other knows and side-step dis-
covery. People transmit their own thoughts when speaking, even
when asking a question. Secondly, no one likes to keep a secret all
to himself, so listening carefully might help him find a confidant.
