184 I Can Read You Like a Book
Eliminate any projection or conjecture from your evaluation
and the only answer that’s valid is (c).Exercise
Do something similar to what Maryann and I did:
Walk into an environment where you would not
normally go. Depending on who you are, that could be a library, a
bowling alley, a church, or a gym. Allow your projections to take
hold as you observe people. Make a point of striking up a conversa-
tion with at least one of the people you have “pegged.” Did you
have any surprises and, if so, what did they tell you about yourself?
By nature, people filter everything we see and hear. This well-
developed adult brain is constantly trying to put things in context, to
create schemas that work in our world, to find patterns and con-
nections. You must subdue that drive to be good at reading body
language. You need to stop forcing things to make sense, and to
focus solely on what people do and the similarities and differences
between what they do.
Our lives are filled with rituals and routines that have made us
successful or not. These strongly held beliefs and strategies color
everything we see, hear, and do. Some of us have created elabo-
rate tactics that prey on the rituals others have in place and I’ll
explore some very public examples of this in Part III. Trying to
overlay all new information onto an old grid taints the information.
Your filters will prevent you from seeing clearly.
Caricatures and stereotypes overemphasize at least one
trait that people can identify easily about a person or group.