A Making It Personal 189
have seen a few for yourself, such as strange grooming behaviors,
self-petting, or odd food rituals.
I started this book by defining communication and breaking it
into vocal, verbal, and non-verbal. Let’s use this model for analyzing
what is normal for an individual.
Verbal: Servant of the will
Though verbal may be the servant of the will, occasionally the
subconscious of a person will let you look into his mind through
word use as well. Every person has a style of word usage that is
normal for that individual. Because this book is a collaboration and
my co-author ensures that my voice is maintained throughout, you
probably have a pattern for my usual choice of words, and may
even pick up a slight Southern accent, even though you cannot
actually hear it. I am a straightforward speaker. I want to get the
point across. I may understand many words that I choose not to
use because I have settled on a style that fits my message. All
people do this. Our choice of words is tempered by education,
culture, self-image, and how we want to be perceived.
When someone’s word pattern changes, you can usually track
that change to a reason. If you are talking to someone who nor-
mally has a pattern of plain, simple English, for instance, and she
shifts to an elaborate soliloquy about a product, what does that tell
you? She read or heard some propaganda and committed a few
phrases to memory. I usually want to ask, “Can you spell biofla-
vonoid?” or “What does germicide really mean?” When I first moved
to Atlanta in 2000, I found a wonderful pub with hundreds of beers