28 I Can Read You Like a Book
I think of the verbal as the servant of the will; it is the easiest
channel to control. People can more easily select their words than
they can control their nervous coughs or eye tics. Think about how
much more powerful your communication becomes as you increase
your level of control over the other two as well.
There’s no doubt that you’ve had exposure to someone so well-
spoken that simply hearing him or her inspires you. When I was a
young soldier, I worked for a lieutenant with this gift; he thoroughly
impressed me until I realized he was speaking at half the speed of
everyone else. That gave him time to choose each word carefully.
Great speakers not only make precise word choices, but they control
cadence, similar to the lieutenant, as well as tone, pitch, and a host of
utterances that are part of the vocal component of communication.
The third channel—non-verbal—includes gesturing, posture,
proximity to others, and other factors explored throughout this book.
A premise of the approach I teach is that, in terms of non-verbal
communication, there are fewer differences than similarities among
people, otherwise we couldn’t communicate as a species.
I start every class with a definition of communication that is
straight from Merriam-Webster: “A process by which information
is exchanged between individuals through a common system of
symbols, signs, or behavior.” While your brain may focus on the last
part of the definition—symbols, signs, or behavior—I want to call your
attention to a couple of words that precede it, namely, “process”
and “system.” Process is what occurs between the beginning and
the end. It implies causality. System describes independent parts