34 I Can Read You Like a Book
that create the problem, and even voluntarily reverse the process
of wrinkling by exercising them. In addition, if the face were under
our control, more facial movements would be cultural, not universal.
Facial movements become practiced behavior over time, be-
cause we learn how to present an even smile when meeting some-
one and an arched eyebrow when our kid drops mustard on the
floor. But the plethora of muscles in our faces makes it hard for us
to keep track of them. We often do not even realize the range of
emotions and physiological reactions we express with our faces.
What does that upturned brow mean? Is there a difference if the
person sending the message is male or female? If the receiver is
male or female? How do the sexes differ in messaging, not only
with the same sex but the opposite sex? Is that well-intended signal
misread because of differences in the two brains? The head is the
workhorse of communication. And although much of what it con-
veys is intentional, we still leak messages that are impossible to
cover.
From the head, face, and neck, I move to the arms, and then
down to through the rest of the body: hands and gesturing, torso,
legs, and feet. Do those folded arms really mean the person is
guarded and maybe even disgusted? Do those crossed feet indi-
cate you are shutting me out? This is where people’s absolutes start
to break down, because they learn that you can’t draw conclusions
without understanding context.Context
At first, my students fight the premise that context has huge
significance in reading body language. “John Travolta didn’t need