John Grinder and Richard Bandler made a study of these
language patterns. They developed and refined a set of
questions designed to challenge and influence the constraints
that people put on themselves. These reconnect the speaker
with their experience and are influential in triggering change.
By learning to challenge our lazy language we create greater
coherence in who we are and we increase the constructive
influence that we have on ourselves and subsequently on
others.
A word of warning: The questions can be experienced as
intimidating and aggressive if they are used without regard for
the person you are questioning. Before using these questions
on anyone other than yourself, I encourage you to read the
section on building and maintaining rapport, Chapter 16, so
that you maintain the trust and respect of the person you are
questioning. We don’t always have permission to use these
techniques on other people, so the place to practice and make
a difference is on ourselves.
I really want to emphasize this point. Far from building
rapport, NLP techniques used enthusiastically but without
permission will do more harm than good. It is by developing
ourselves that we influence others. A goal to aim for is to be
such an attractive example to others that they want some of
what you have got. Then and only then do you begin to have
permission.Deletions are examples of language where parts of the
meaning have been omitted. A client just commented to me
as he finished a phone call, “He is saying that there is a big
reorganization at work.” The client did not say who “he” was.This is where “they” come into their own. It is a way of avoiding
responsibility and ownership. This kind of language pattern
implies that the speaker has no influence over what is
happening around them. Other examples of vague subjects
are:94 NLP AT WORK
Questions that challenge and
influence constraintsIt is by developing ourselves
that we influence others