Distortions are examples of language where the owner of the
words has distorted their experience. It may be that they have
made faulty connections between different parts of their
experience.❏ You make me angry.
❏ This company demotivates me.The owner of this sort of statement has given the
responsibility for their state and feelings to others. They have
become dependent on their environment and surrendered
their choice to feel the way they want to feel. It is not that
these statements aren't true; they are. But the speaker has
allowed others to affect them.
The challenge:❏ How is it possible for me to make you angry?
❏ How does the company demotivate you?The question encourages the other person to consider exactly
how that happens. Once they begin to understand the
structure of this experience, they begin to have a choice. They
may still choose to feel angry, but they will own that anger
once they begin to say “I feel angry” rather than “You make me
angry.” Instead of giving power to others for their feelings they
restore it to themselves.❏ I know why you did that.
❏ She only said that because she was annoyed with me.
❏ You're upset, I can tell.These are examples of the speaker’s presuming to know what
others are thinking or feeling. They are interpretations, a form of
mind reading. For example, it would be more accurate to say “You
interrupted that customer before they had finished speaking and
you kept your arms folded throughout the conversation” than
“You were obviously annoyed with that customer.” The former is
specific whereas the latter implies a value judgment.100 NLP AT WORK