❏ We can choose when we want to induce a trance and, more
significantly, when we do notwant to do that.
❏ We can maintain and strengthen rapport by being aware of
the effect of our words.
The managing director was discussing the style of coaching that he
wanted the rest of the board to adopt. Although he believed he
wanted to encourage a coaching style in the business, he had not let
go of the desire to find a way to “coach” people to come to his
conclusions! He repeatedly asked questions of the board as follows:
“What would I have to ask to be sure that he [the person being
coached] came to the right conclusion?” or “How can I say this to her
so that she realizes what I want?” The effect of these questions was
to irritate the other board members who wanted a freer, more open
style of coaching. The emotions in the meeting became heated.
What the MD was doing was using questions that contained
powerful assumptions. The assumptions were ones that other
members of the board didn’t share, but they didn’t know how
to unpack the questions in a way that allowed them to
challenge the assumptions. This is a pattern of hypnotic
language that I have explored later in this chapter.
So the reasons forusing hypnotic language skillfully are:
❏ We can choose language that is in line with the outcomes we
want to achieve.
❏ We can respect other people’s unique interpretations of a
situation, especially when we do not know the context.
❏ We can recognize when other people are using hypnotic
language on us and we can then challenge that.
❏ We can create space in our language for others (possibly
someone we are coaching) to draw on their own resources
rather than relying on us for answers. In this way we can help
build confidence and self-esteem.
A delegate on one of my courses in Denmark was doing a
coaching exercise. I was the subject for his questioning skills and
HYPNOTIC LANGUAGE 113