interesting observation from modeling leaders in business
over many years is that they keep going until they have
reached a successful exit, whatever it takes, whereas others
who do not naturally emerge as leaders exit, but at an earlier
point than their original outcome determined.
In effect when I was modeling my husband’s cycling I was
running a TOTE. I knew what the exit was: for me to reach the top
of the hill either at the same time as my husband or before him.
And I wanted to have enough breath to keep on cycling at the
same rhythm. After my first pass at cycling my state did not match
the desired state, so I knew that some of the operations in the
TOTE were missing. That prompted me to question my husband.
The key here is not just to ask the person you are modeling.
What they think they know and what they really know are two
very different things. It is key to have the subject imagine that
they are doing the act you want to reproduce. Alternatively,
you can have the person actually do the thing you want them
to model. In my case I could not keep up with my husband long
enough to ask the questions and talking was not a part of his
strategy. So by questioning and watching for clues as he talked
about his strategy, I got the remaining operations that enabled
me to exit the loop.
Essentially the TOTE is a feedback loop designed to prompt
you to find what you need to achieve your desired state. Key
skills for successfully navigating the TOTE in order to be able to
model are sensitivity to what is happening, a willingness to
learn from feedback, and the flexibility to do or learn something
different when what you are doing is not working.
Our days are a series of TOTEs. Some repeat every few
moments, some every few hours, some perhaps every few days
or weeks. And there will be some TOTEs that only repeat every
few years or maybe longer. The value of knowing someone over
time is that you are in a position to learn about the TOTEs with
a longer time frame.
By modeling we discover the structure by which we and
others are getting results. By choosing qualities that we admire
and that get results we value, we are able to model how we or
others get those results. And in the process of doing that we
are valuing the structures that we uncover, even if some of
them are currently being used unproductively.
What they think they know and
what they really know are two
very different thingsLiving by TOTEsSTRATEGIES FOR SUCCESSFUL LIVING 181