NLP At Work : The Difference That Makes the Difference in Business

The table below compares what it would be like to hold the
belief that each person is unique with what it would be like not
to do so.

When your colleague argues with you and refuses to see your
point of view, at that momentit is the best choice available to them.
And the way you react to them is your best choice at that time.
If you had learned the most elegant and cooperative ways
of achieving what you want, life would be very different. But
you didn't. You learned healthy and unhealthy ways of getting
what you want. When a child cries and shouts in the middle of
the supermarket, that child has learned that is the way to get
the attention they want; not the best way, at least not for those
around, but the best choice for the child. You do what you do
because at some level it works. If what you are doing didn’t
work you wouldn't do it.
If you run away from potentially painful situations, that is
your best learned choice. This does not mean it is the “best”

EVERYONE MAKES THE

BEST CHOICE

AVAILABLE TO THEM AT

THE TIME

WRITE YOUR OWN LIFESCRIPT: BELIEFS OF EXCELLENCE 243

Have this sort of approach

Hold these sorts of beliefs

Have these capabilities/
limitations
Do and say

Feel
Experience

People who do believe

that “each person is

unique” is true

Cooperative, respectful, and

open to difference and

feedback

Difference is valuable

Listening skills, sensitivity to and

respect for difference

Look interested, cooperate, ask

questions, are curious about

others’ experiences and

explore differences. Ask for

clarification when they get

feedback of which they were

previously unaware and had

not seen in themselves

Relaxed and curious

Find new talent, cut new ground

People who don’t believe

that “each person is

unique” is true

Rigid, inflexible and dogmatic

Their own opinion is right. They

know best

Determination and single-

mindedness

Speak in terms of what others

“should” or “ought” to do

Disagree and interrupt. Dismiss

Do what they have always done

Defend themselves and

rationalize away feedback

Frustrated, irritated, and stressed

Stagnate