BEHIND EVERY
BEHAVIOR IS A
POSITIVE INTENTION
❏ Your self-esteem when presenting ideas?
❏ Your willingness to take risks?Try it on for size: What would it really be like for you? Imagine
the learning potential this can unleash. This is a very powerful
belief in the context of self-development. When we truly hold
this belief we can learn from everything that happens to us.
This belief is taking a new and even greater importance day by
day. We live in a world where feedback is ever more available,
in real time. The people and companies that are able to take
advantage of this are the ones who do believe that there is
only learning; there is no failure, only feedback, in many more
forms than we have ever before experienced.This belief can be mind-blowing. It means you choose to
believe that behind every action there is a positive intention
toward you. The key thing to remember here is that it doesn't
have to be true. The benefits come from believingthat it is true.
I can choose to believe that if someone behaves aggressively
toward me the positive intention behind their behavior is for
me to learn a greater independence of state. The person being
aggressive does not consciously have this purpose for me; I
choose to believe that this is behind their behavior.
By believing this I have choice in how I respond. Without
this belief I am more likely to become either nonassertive or
even aggressive in response. I might start to lose self-esteem
and confidence because of how I am feeling about the way they
are with me. People who are able to maintain choices in the
way they respond to the behavior of those around them are
typically people who hold this belief or something very similar.lan and his teenage son had almost come to blows. His son stood
in one corner of the kitchen and lan in the other. They shouted but
neither listened to the other. To Ian his son was being a demanding,
inconsiderate teenager. To the son his father had a closed mind,
was inflexible and completely out of touch. lan stopped himself
from rushing forward and hitting his son and in that moment he
gave himself the time to stand back and think about what he was
doing. He moved toward his son, put his arms around him and
said, “I’ll always love you, no matter what you do.”246 NLP AT WORK