You can build rapport face to face, over the phone, via
email, through text messages, through letters, or just in your
imagination. And you can build rapport over time, shortly after
you have met, instantly on meeting, or in advance of even
making someone’s acquaintance. No matter what the
circumstances or who the people are with whom you want to
build rapport, it is without doubt the quality of the rapport that
makes the difference.
Near to our home in France is a restaurant, which was owned by
an English couple when we moved into the area. We had sworn
to ourselves that we would not become part of the English
community in this part of France but rather part of the French
community as far as they would allow us. So we avoided this
restaurant—after all, why go an English restaurant when we could
do that back in England? However, one day we called there just
for a drink and the way we were greeted was such that we felt our
resolve not to return soften. We could not avoid feeling welcome
and well cared for, even though the service was not over-attentive.
We decided there and then to return, such was the subtle influence
of the relationship that was built in those few moments.
We learned subsequently that the owners’ approach had won
the hearts of the local French people who also frequented the bar
and the restaurant. We became regular customers. Imagine our
disappointment, then, to discover that this couple decided to sell
the restaurant, which was now a thriving business throughout the
year. The new owner took over in 2001. He inherited an immense
amount of goodwill and regular trade—within six months he had
lost it all. Nothing much had changed about the restaurant itself
and the food was still good. However, this owner did not relate to
the French customers and gave no impression of any rapport
building. This once flourishing restaurant is now closed most
nights of the week and is rumored to be up for sale again.
The skills involved in building and maintaining rapport were
some of the earliest to be discovered with NLP and they have
become essential to the networking economy. The people who
were chosen as models of excellence, particularly in situations
of influence or change, demonstrated that rapport is one of the
most important factors needed for change to take place.
DEVELOP A CLIMATE OF TRUST: RAPPORT 289