Think of someone with whom you feel you do have good
rapport. What is true about your contact with them that isn't
true for others? If you are in the company of other people, look
around you. What would you say is your level of rapport with
the people you see? Have you checked this out? What do you
think your colleagues would say about the quality of rapport
you have with them?
Consider some of the written communication you have with
others. Who do you find it easy to communicate with? What is
it about their style that you like? And whose communication
do you find challenging? What is it about them and the way
they communicate that you have found harder to relate to? If
you are tempted to gloss over this question take care—you
might be missing the very thing that will make the biggest
difference for you in your life.
Pay attention to the physical mannerisms of the people
around you. People in rapport typically adopt the same
posture, move and gesture in similar ways, laugh together,
adopt the same style and rhythm in movement and speech.
They “match” each other. This happens naturally when two or
more people are in rapport. They almost certainly aren't
consciously aware of it happening. The result is that their
thinking and feelings will be similar. How is your behavior
similar to that of those around you now? Or not? Have you
ever had that uncanny experience of having someone say
exactly what you were thinking, or finding that you know
exactly what someone else is feeling? When you adopt the
same body language as someone else you create the
likelihood that you are engaging the same thinking and
feeling circuits. So even if you are not thinking the same thing
you are very likely going to be thinking and feeling in the
same way.
One of the core beliefs consistently held by people chosen
as models of excellence in much of the research in NLP is that:Mind and body are part of the same system. What occurs in
one part will affect all the other parts.292 NLP AT WORK
People like people who are like
themselves