This is the ability to stand back from a situation and
experience it as if you are a detached observer. In your mind
you are able to see and hear yourself and the other person as
if you were a fly on the wall. You are unlikely to have emotions
in this situation as you dissociate from what is going on. You
may have concern, but not the emotions that you would have
in either 1st or 2nd position.
This is a position of analysis and learning—in fact, it is the
only place in which it is appropriate to do analysis. It is in this
position that you can stand back and be aware of the dynamic
that is going on between 1st and 2nd positions. You can be
aware of how inextricably linked you and the other person are
in the dynamic of what is happening. This is the position in
which you can get the bigger picture, the systems view of what
is going on. It is here that you can gain insights about what
learning the other person is unconsciously offering you. Here is
where you can identify how you can change to make a
difference (and it is only you who can change!).
To fully experience what it is like to be in each of these
positions, work through the shortcuts at the end of the chapter.
The glib answer is to say everywhere and at all times. However,
there is often a belief that these approaches work in face-to-
face situations and nowhere else. This is far from the truth. This
way of thinking can certainly benefit us face to face (and we can
learn to do this in real time while we are in conversation, in
advance as a form of preparation, or afterwards to review what
has happened), but it is just as relevant for remote
communication. For example, we can apply this thinking to
ensure that we phrase our emails in a way that creates the
effect that we really want.
I received an email recently that just said:
Jones
See you on Monday.
Brian
NEGOTIATE YOUR WAY THROUGH LIFE: PERCEPTUAL POSITIONS 311OBSERVER
(3RD POSITION)
The ability to stand back