NLP At Work : The Difference That Makes the Difference in Business

Excessive use of 1st position

leads to lack of understanding

of others

Nonassertion

Excessive use of 2nd position

leads to loss of self-esteem

Detachment

Excessive use of 3rd position

creates an image of being

unemotional

Excessive use of 1st position can lead to a lack of

understanding and subsequent dismissal of other people's

feelings and ideas. You might push for the achievement of

your outcomes but at the expense of others. So, although you

may achieve what you want, your achievement is likely to be

short lived and may backfire in some way. You may feel

overcome by your emotions.

Diane was considered by her team to be caring and

compassionate. She became concerned if any of her team

experienced problems and would endeavor to help them solve

those problems through discussion. However, whenever she did

this she found herself experiencing the feelings of the person

she was counseling. Not only did she experience these feelings

during the discussion, but she found they stayed with her, often

for the rest of the day and sometimes longer. She began to avoid

getting into such discussions for fear of the burden of emotions

she might subsequently carry.

Excessive use of 2nd position can lead to a loss of self-esteem

if you identify with other people's needs and feelings at the

expense of your own. Essentially you would be giving others

priority over yourself. It is possible that by overly identifying

with the other person you stop yourself achieving and even

thinking about what you really want. You may find yourself

taking on other people's feelings and being unable to shake

them off. Over time the weight of others’ emotions can be

mentally and emotionally fatiguing if carried in this way.

David was a member of a project team engaged on a high-

profile task for the company. The project team was working to a

tight schedule and sometimes tempers flared and discussions

would become heated. David, however, seemed untouched by

this emotion. Physically and emotionally he seemed to distance

himself. This often irritated the other team members, who felt

that he didn’t care about the success of the project.

Excessive use of 3rd position can give an image of being

detached and unemotional. You would be likely to be

objective and analytical without the capacity to experience

314 NLP AT WORK