NLP At Work : The Difference That Makes the Difference in Business

will achieve what you want. So assertion is about balance,

balance between yourself and others.

Many books and training on assertion teach phrases to use

and body language to adopt. They teach behavioral solutions.

NLP research has shown that for meaningful and lasting

change to occur, it is important to understand the implications

for identity, beliefs, values, capabilities, and environment as

well as behavior. For example, it is pointless teaching

someone to behave assertively if they believe that aggression

is the way to get on in business. The logical levels of change

model, explained in Chapter 13, offers insight about the

different levels that need to be addressed.

Our awareness of the subtleties in our thinking can

transform our ability to act assertively. If you are thinking how

difficult it will be to negotiate a good deal with your customer,

it is unlikely that you will handle the situation confidently.

Your thinking influences the outcome.

Dawn’s colleagues considered that she behaved aggressively in

many everyday situations. Typically, she would promote her own

ideas and plans without consulting others. She felt her own

ideas were generally more appropriate and worthwhile

compared with the ideas of her colleagues. She often got

frustrated with others but was generally unconcerned.

When Dawn explored the patterns of her thinking about

these situations, she realized she was outside herself

(dissociated). However, it was as though she was somewhere on

the ceiling looking down on the situation. She also noticed that

she was much closer to herself in her imagination than she was

to others. Although she could see the others and she could see

them moving their lips as if they were speaking, she couldn’t

hear any words.

Dawn experimented with her thinking. First of all she changed

her position in her thinking so that she was at eye level with

the people in her remembered situation. She also made

herself equidistant from herself and the other people. She

then associated into her picture of herself so that she could

see the situation as if from her own eyes, hear it from her own

ears, and experience the feelings of being there. Eventually as

320 NLP AT WORK

Managing the thinking process