NLP At Work : The Difference That Makes the Difference in Business

the same or worse in our thinking? It is a small step between

thinking something and doing it.

This is an essential foundation of NLP—it is the structure

we hold within that influences our perception and our feelings

toward what we experience outside of ourselves.

I am rarely annoyed by delegates on my programs. One of the

things I believe I have learned with NLP is that difference is

valuable and a source of learning. However, I did have one

delegate who was the exception for me. I began to notice how

distracting she could be by dropping her papers, coughing,

sneezing, or in some way making a noise that disrupted the

session. What was interesting was that she seemed to do this at

the same point in every session—about five minutes after the

start. I found I started to expect this disruption and became tense

as the first few minutes elapsed. Then on one occasion at the

same point in the session she got up and walked across the room

in front of me to get herself a cup of coffee. In doing so she rattled

the cups, seeming to have no awareness of the effect of what she

was doing on the rest of the room and on me. She walked back

across the room with her cup of coffee and sat down. I said

nothing, but I felt frustrated and annoyed that she had done this.

At the end of the session I told one of my colleagues how I

felt. He asked me what it was about her behavior that had

bothered me so much (he had been more or less unaware of

what had happened). I replied that it was her focus on what she

wanted for herself and her insensitivity to the effect of that on

others around her that bothered me so much. And my colleague

then said, “And how is that true about you, Sue?” I was quite

shocked at first to think that I was like the delegate. Then I

realized that I did have similar attributes: a tendency to go for

what I wanted and to do so without sensitivity to those around

me. I was really amazed how what I saw in her was what I didn’t

like in myself. Eventually I became quite amused, wondering

what aspect of myself she might mirror back to me at the

beginning of the next session. And she didn’t do anything

distracting ever again!

What is important in the context of giving feedback is that if

that delegate had been disruptive again and I had chosen to

340 NLP AT WORK