the person we are coaching achieving the kinds of outcomes
they express, or if we cannot imagine them realizing any kind
of higher potential, then we should not be coaching them. If, on
the other hand, we can imagine this person being the person
they want to be or being someone realizing a greater potential,
then that is what we communicate to them.
If I think of you as stupid I will engage with the “stupid” part of
you. If I think of you as stubborn, that is what I am going to
encourage and experience in my dealings with you. If, however, I
can see the confident part of you, my interactions with you invite
that part of you to emerge. If I can see, hear, and feel you letting
go of any limiting patterns and being fully and congruently who
you are, then that is the “you” that can increasingly emerge.
Suppose that you have a colleague, a member of your
family, or an associate with whom you feel frustrated. Maybe
you feel that they could be achieving more than they currently
are. It often helps to pay attention to the situations that are the
most personal and then extend your thinking out to the others.
It may be that this person has not excelled in what they have
done to date—but coaching is not about facts, it is about
processes and beliefs.
Maybe you can recall someone who, irrespective of the facts
of the situation, demonstrated a belief in you at a key point in
your life to the degree that it inspired you to achieve something
beyond anything you had done previously. Perhaps it was a
teacher who took that special interest in what they believed
you were capable of. Maybe it was a boss who showed a trust in
you that you had not experienced before. Or maybe it was your
parents who stuck by their belief in you no matter what
happened. This is the foundation of great coaching.
We influence others by the beliefs we hold in them,
irrespective of the facts or the circumstances. Coaching is an
emotional process. Think of your children, your family, your
colleagues, and your associates. Is there any one of them in
whom you show this outstanding belief? And is there any one
of them about whom you hold doubt? Your belief can
strengthen their belief. Your doubt potentially deepens their
doubt. It is your responsibility as a coach to believe in the
people you are coaching, whether they are members of your
family or people with whom you work.
I see the confident part of you- not the part of you with
which I engage
Your belief can strengthen
their beliefHIGH PERFORMANCE COACHING 363