Have you ever bought a car and suddenly become aware of all
the other cars of the same type on the road? Or have you ever
had an experience, maybe an insight about yourself, only to
discover that many of your friends have had the same or a
similar experience, even though you weren’t aware of that
before? Do you see the wineglass as half full as opposed to half
empty by looking for what is there as opposed to what is not?
These are examples of ways you filter what happens to you to
let some information in and keep other information out. This is
what constitutes perception.
Here is a conversation that highlights the need to be able to
understand and relate to different filters.
When Janet and Bill had a conversation, each found the other
frustrating. Janet liked to discuss the details of what was needed,
whereas Bill preferred to discuss the broader strategic concepts.
For example, Janet would say, “I’d like Peter to go to the next
meeting,” and Bill would reply, “We haven’t decided on the main
areas of the plan that didn’t work.” Janet’s conversation
centered on future actions, whereas Bill concentrated more on
the past. Janet would pay attention to the similarities between
one situation and another: “This is like another idea I have about
what we might do to improve the office layout.” Bill would
concentrate on the exception by saying things like “No, this is
different” or “We didn’t include an overall plan.” It was as
though Janet and BiII were talking different languages. They had
different filters on their experience. They didn’t find meetings
with one another easy!
When two people in conversation are using the same filters
there is usually a high level of rapport. If the filters you use are
different to those used by your partner then, as with Janet and
Bill, you may experience discord and frustration. By using
similar language patterns to your partner you are increasing
the level of mutual trust and influence.
Learning to recognize the filters that you and others use is a
first step. Developing your flexibility in the way you use the
filters gives you a greater chance of finding a way of
Different filtersFlexibilityFILTERS ON YOUR WORLD 37