204 Nietzsche
thing of the past What good is it for me to be right in many respects?
As though that could wipe this lost affection from my memory!" (B
6,36). Prevailing against Wagner meant, as we know, feeling justified in
his criticism of Wagner's metaphysics of art, his claim to superiority,
and his pathos of redemption. But did prevailing compensate for the
loss of love?
In the course of this summer in Marienbad, Nietzsche struck up an
acquaintance with an engaging devotee of Wagner, and their conversa-
tion forced him to continue recollecting the past period of his friendship
with the composer. He was consumed by doubts concerning the practi-
cal value of his philosophy. Did it make up for his loss of an intimate
bond of friendship? Should we renounce love for the sake of truth? Is
it defensible to offend someone we value so highly in other respects just
because of a few ideas we hold near and dear? Must we stick to our
guns? Is it necessarily treacherous to be flexible or to allow for differ-
ences? Does belief itself require that we close ourselves off from other
people? Does self-affirmation demand purity? Nietzsche struggled with
all of these questions. The same letter to Gast continued in this vein:
"Even now my entire philosophy wavers after just an hour of friendly
conversation with complete strangers. It strikes me as so foolish to insist
on being right at the expense of love" (B 6,37).
In the weeks following his summer sojourn in Marienbad, Nietzsche
suspended his work on Daybreak and confessed to Gast on October 20:
"Since I sent you that letter in August... I have not dipped my pen into
the inkwell: my condition was and still is so dreadful and demands so
much patience" (B 6,40). During the winter in Genoa, he regained his
strength and motivation to forge ahead with his project, and in Daybreak
he described the "defectiveness of the machine" in people of a "highly
intellectual nature: As long as genius dwells within us, we are spirited,
indeed virtually insane, and pay no heed to life, health, and honor; we fly
through the day more freely than an eagle.... But all of a sudden it
leaves us, and just as suddenly a deep sense of fearfulness descends on
us: we no longer understand ourselves, we suffer from every experience