Inventing a Life 29composition, he was in the grip of an event, but later, when he read the
notations, he hoped that a story of some significance might emerge. His
quest was for significance, Nietzsche sought to shed the light of retro-
spective analysis on the haze of the experienced moment. He tried to
come upon a glimmer of future understanding even as the experience
was taking place. As subde as this process may be, it is essentially a mat-
ter of applying techniques of self-thematization and self-description
that any modesdy gifted diarist has at his disposal
Nietzsche was convinced that his life, anguish, and thought were
exemplary in nature and consequendy worth the while of "all and none"
(4,9; Z), as the subtide of Thus Spoke Zarathustra indicates. He envisioned
himself as Adas, vicariously hoisting the problems of the world (or,
more specifically, the problems of existence in the world) onto his
shoulders and then managing to romp and gambol with his heavy bur-
den. He wanted to make matters difficult for himself, but still present
himself as the acrobat of relief. All of this was made possible by lan-
guage, which sustained him, and was even quicker and nimbler than
thoughts. His buoyant language conveyed him along, and with growing
amazement he registered its effects on him. In this way, his own self, the
"dividual individual," became the scene of his internal world history.
Anyone wishing to scrutinize it needed to join with him as an "adven-
turer and circumnavigator of the inner world known as 'human'" (2,21 ;
HH I Preface § 7). Human beings, however, are situated in time.
Nietzsche's inquiries are capable of engaging us only because his time
frame comprises our time as well.
Let us now return to the fourteen-year-old Nietzsche, ensconced in
the dark downstairs living room of his house in Naumburg, filling page
after page with his meticulous penmanship in a quest to recount his life
to himself. He began like an elderly man, faindy recalling the distant past.
He was exasperated by his lapses in memory. His life seemed like a
"muddled dream" (/ 1,1). The boy sought to triumph over the
ephemeral nature of time by assembling bits and pieces of elapsed
memory and constructing an artistic whole like a "painting." Not satis-