Beyond the Synagogue Walls 271
history, and memory. For example, many of my respondents described reading Jewish
books, or leaving Jewish books out for their children to pick up and peruse as ways they
maintain their connection to Judaism. Renee, the mother of two young sons, described
this in some detail: “What I do is put Jewish books out. They love to read when they’re
eating breakfast or eating lunch. If we’re not as a family around the table, I let them
read. Like one book was calledI Never Saw Another Butterfly. It’s a book of poems and
drawings by children during the Second World War. Very beautiful. Or just articles. I
put things out so they get it that way.”
In general, my respondents were most likely to take on those ethnic practices that
particularly involve memory, family, and historical and cultural traditions. For example,
they mentioned practices including studying texts, liking Jewish language and songs
and music, displaying Jewish objects in their home, or having nontraditionally Jewish
rituals (for example, making every Friday night a “pizza night”). Such a lived religious
practice continues the historical notion that Friday night is traditionally very impor-
tant in Jewish religion but instead of observing it in the traditionally religious way
(with blessings over candles, wine and Hallah [special bread] they reinvent the evening
to satisfy their own contemporary familial needs. These practices are consistent with
Robert Bellah et al.’s notion of participating in a “community of memory;” however,
for my respondents this community is a historical and cultural one, not a distinctly
religious one (Bellah et al. 1985). Here I choose to take my respondents at their word,
without placing them into sociological debates about what religionreallyis.
Singing Jewish songs, even without understanding their meaning or context, is
another practice of my respondents that makes them feel essentially linked to Judaism.
Julia, a mother of one in her thirties, said that she sings Jewish songs to her little girl,
“just because...just some songs I like.” When I asked her which songs, she replied,
Oh, I don’t know, one called Adon Olam [a traditional prayer from the Saturday
services called Adon Olam], I don’t even know them by name...different parts of
Saturday morning services that stay with me, just songs that I remember. And just
because they have a lullaby effect, I would sing them to her when I was putting her
down when she was little. I’ll sing them and it reminds me that I’m connected to
this larger body, although I don’t have the beliefs, I’m connecting to that culture of
the Jewish people.
Food rituals were mentioned, particularly by the women, as ways they keep their
ethnic identification alive. Two women, for example, specified that they try to keep
Friday night as family dinner night, although because they are so tired from the week
their ritual is to serve pizza rather than the more traditional home-cooked meal. As
Laura, a social worker in her fifties said,
We actually have...a year ago we started the ritual of Chinese food every Friday
night, because I was too tired to cook dinner on Fridays. My husband declared, now
that my oldest daughter is in college, that he’s sick of Chinese food so now, for the
past two weeks, the ritual has become pizza.
Lisa, a woman in her sixties, confided that when she was a stepmom and had kids,
they loved pork and I would buy it but I never learned what to do with it. My husband
would cook it because I didn’t eat it. So, even though I’m not religious, certain things
remain for me and they are part of being Jewish that I got from my parents, even
though I have no way to connect it and make sense of it.