Eat, Pray, Love

eat), “Should we have an affair together, Liz? What do you think?”
I liked everything about the way this was happening. Not with an action—not with an at-
tempted kiss or a daring move—but with a question. And the correct question, too. I re-
membered something my therapist had said to me over a year ago before I’d left on this jour-
ney. I’d told her that I thought I wanted to remain celibate for this whole year of traveling, but
worried, “What if I meet someone I really like? What should I do? Should I get together with
him or not? Should I maintain my autonomy? Or treat myself to a romance?” My therapist
replied with an indulgent smile, “You know, Liz—all this can be discussed at the time the is-
sue actually arises, with the person in question.”
So here it all was—the time, the place, the issue and the person in question. We pro-
ceeded to have a discussion about the idea, which came out easily, during our friendly, linked
arm-in-arm walk by the ocean. I said, “I would probably say yes, Felipe, under normal circum-
stances. Whatever normal circumstances are.. .”
We both laughed. But then I showed him my hesitation. Which was this—that as much as
I might enjoy to have my body and heart folded and unfolded for a while in the expert hands
of an expat lover, something else inside me has put in a serious request that I donate the en-
tirety of this year of traveling all to myself. That some vital transformation is happening in my
life, and this transformation needs time and room in order to finish its process undisturbed.
That basically, I’m the cake that just came out of the oven, and it still needs some more time
to cool before it can be frosted. I don’t want to cheat myself out of this precious time. I don’t
want to lose control of my life again.
Of course Felipe said that he understood, and that I should do whatever’s best for me, and
that he hoped I would forgive him for bringing up the question in the first place. (“It had to be
asked, my lovely darling, sooner or later.”) He assured me that, whatever I decided, we would
still keep our friendship, since it seemed to be so good for both of us, all this time we spent to-
gether.
“Although,” he went on, “you do need to let me make my case now.”
“Fair enough,” I said.
“For one thing, if I understand you correctly, this whole year is about your search for bal-
ance between devotion and pleasure. I can see where you’ve been doing a lot of devotional
practices, but I’m not sure where the pleasure has come in so far.”
“I ate a lot of pasta in Italy, Felipe.”
“Pasta, Liz? Pasta?”
“Good point.”
“For another thing, I think I know what you’re worried about. Some man is going to come
into your life and take everything from you again. I won’t do that to you, darling. I’ve been