Knowing versus 'Knowing' 175The other option is total permissiveness. Tear down the walls and let
people go anywhere and do anything. But what happens when there are no
moral walls, and when people are allowed total freedom? We find that all
freedom is lost. Citizens cower behind physical walls, hoping that their
burglar alarms, double-bolt locks, and barred windows will keep out the
savages. This also is only an approximation of life.A
Does this mean that the child should be given some freedom in all
aspects of life? No. Only in areas where there are limited painful results
which are not instant. For example, a child cannot be allowed to run
partially on the freeway, or touch part of a hot stove.B This is because in
those areas there are painful consequences which are both instant and
permanent—there is no „backyard.‟ However, I suggest that if a „backyard‟
can be constructed, within boundaries, then it should be.
Boundaries teach about time by developing conscience—the child who
goes beyond the permissible enters into the forbidden. I suggest that it is
also possible to teach the same lessons through patience. Here the child
reaches the desirable by going through the uncomfortable. This also takes
time.C Therefore, the child should be encouraged to create, to build, to
practice, to perform, and to study. If he completes a task, then he should be
rewarded. Ideally, this reward will come from finishing the job itself—this
will encourage the child to become self-motivated, and not driven by the
approval of others.
This approach also runs counter to current thinking. On the one hand
we have the approach of the welfare state, which feels that it is wrong to
make people uncomfortable: “How dare you place restrictions on your
children or give them conditional acceptance! Children must always be
cherished with open arms.” This sounds loving, but how can a child learn
about time if all of his needs and desires are provided for instantly? How
can he acquire the mental tools which he needs to live in an adult world?
On the other hand, some parents treat their children as little servants
who are meant to be ordered around: “Mow the lawn. Vacuum the rugs.
Clean your room. Do your chores.” If a child is constantly told what to do,
A Since connections cannot be maintained, we conclude that these choices
are „wrong.‟ From a parenting viewpoint, society is being „spanked‟ by
consequences from natural law.
B In other words, one does not give the child „a spanking he will never
forget.‟
C Remember that conscience and patience use the same mental processing.