176 A Programmer’s Guide to the Mind
then his Perceiver observer will never have a chance to wake up. He will
then be forced to rebel as a teenager.A
So what is the proper approach? I suggest that it contains four essential
elements: First, the child is given sufficient freedom to become
emotionally independent from his parents. Second, there are enough
Perceiver rules, containing both punishment and reward, to prime
Perceiver thinking in the youngster. Third, the child has some sort of
backyard in which to play, where he can learn general principles of
common sense, free from the meddling interference of his parents. Fourth,
the child is undergirded by a Mercy foundation of loving acceptance.
This last point is essential. The growing child may be learning to think
like an adult, but he still has the mind of a child, which is built around
Mercy thought and feelings. Therefore, he must feel loved by his parents—
or else his mind will fall apart. And, this love must be expressed in Mercy
language which the child can understand. Talking about love is not enough.
Only personal, caring interaction between adult and child can suffice.
Should this unconditional acceptance extend to all areas and continue
forever? I suggest not. The goal is to help the child to develop Perceiver
confidence, and this cannot grow in an atmosphere of total and unchanging
Mercy acceptance. If „good‟ is always „right,‟ and „bad‟ always „wrong,‟
then Perceiver confidence is never needed. There is a place for conscience,
patience, punishment and reward. Likewise, a time eventually comes when
the maturing individual is ready to emerge from the cocoon of
unconditional acceptance. However, for the child—and for this book—that
step is in the future. We will be discussing it soon enough. Until then, the
child needs to know that he will always be loved and accepted, no matter
what.
Society and the Mental Contradiction
We have examined the mechanisms by which Perceiver strategy in the
growing child divides into the two opposing camps of emotional 'facts' of
culture versus logical facts of common sense, and how this mental
contradiction breaks out into open conflict during the teenage years as the
child tries to grow up and to become an adult.
Society itself is just a collection of ex-teenagers, many of whom are
still trying to rebel from their childhood memories. In the same way that
rebellious teens band together in order to use approval conscience to
comfort themselves, so the ex-teenagers of the world at large use the
A In other words, deferral of parenting and loving discipline prepares us,
and our children, for brutal beatings from the implacable, impersonal hand
of Nature and natural law.