Cognitive Styles 37survive, then excitement must grow into love. Long-term friendship is fed
by the satisfaction of accomplishment, the pleasure of relationship, and the
joy of discovering new aspects in one‟s partner.
The person who reads this book purely for the novelty of encountering
new and exciting concepts will probably end up becoming bored: “You
keep saying the same things over and over again, you force me to think
logically, and you don‟t tell enough stories.” On the other hand, the
individual who is searching for the pleasure and satisfaction of a unified
theory will find that each repetition simply adds another facet of grandeur
to the gem of understanding.
Therefore, I suggest that this book should not be treated as an
intellectual challenge to be overcome, or as a psychological bandage to
place on an emotional sore. Rather, it should be seen as a work of elegance
to be enjoyed and appreciated, and as a guide which can help to bring
meaning to life. If there really is a general theory which can explain human
behavior, then as long as I continue to behave as a human, this
understanding will be with me, mentally „looking over my shoulder.‟
Let me illustrate this point with a personal analogy. I enjoy playing
violin in a string quartet. For a long time, my greatest thrill came from
sight reading a new piece of music at the edge of my technical ability. The
challenge of finding the right notes, coupled with the possibility of musical
disaster, produced a feeling of excitement. Once I had played a piece for
several times, though, it tended to lose its appeal and became just another
set of notes on paper. Over time, however, I gained the ability to
appreciate music: I was not only challenged when I tackled new works,
but I could also find elegance, beauty and harmony in perfecting and
expressing existing ones.
Secondly, building a quality relationship takes time and effort. I cannot
walk up to a person on the street at random and expect instant
companionship. I have to earn the right to become someone‟s friend. The
same applies to a general theory. In order to gain understanding, I must
first lay a proper foundation. Just as learning mathematics starts by
memorizing the times tables, so an understanding of the mind must begin
with an explanation of the basic components of thought. I will try to make
it as interesting and as readable as possible. The rest is up to you.
Third, if learning about an ordinary everyday theory could be compared
to forming a platonic friendship, then I suggest that studying about
cognitive styles is somewhat more like dating. Normally, when I
understand some theory or make friends with some person, I have the
benefit of emotional distance. Whenever I need a break from the
relationship, I can retreat to my own personal world. However, if I fall in
love with someone, then that individual becomes part of my personal world,
and very difficult to get out of my thoughts. I suggest that a theory of