88 A Programmer’s Guide to the Mind
looking at the interaction between Mercy thought and Perceiver thought.A
For example, I have just mentioned that the Perceiver person thinks in
terms of facts and tends to ignore individual experiences. In contrast, the
Mercy person will usually focus on the person and the specific incident.
This differing approach can lead to some profound clashes of opinion.
Suppose that the Perceiver husband sticks only with „the facts and
nothing but the facts, ma‟am.‟ Eventually, his Mercy wife will get
frustrated at his lack of emotion and erupt in an outburst—just to get some
feelings back into the relationship. He will listen to the torrent of words
tumbling from the lips of his Mercy wife and interpret them as logical
facts—now he knows what she really thinks about him. He may decide
that if she believes such terrible things, then he is justified in pulling out
his sword of „truth‟ and slashing without mercy at his opponent: “Well if
that is your honest opinion about me, then let me tell you this and that
and...” The emotions associated with his brutal statements enter deep into
her heart and fester.
Or, suppose that the Mercy wife follows her emotions completely and
ignores Perceiver facts which lie behind individual Mercy experiences.
Eventually, her Perceiver husband will become disgusted at the lack of
factual content in their relationship and start to preach information at her,
or make extreme statements to trigger her sense of reasonableness. She will
interpret his remarks as a lack of personal respect for her, and feel that he
is trying to belittle her emotionally. Coldly, she will block off her feelings
towards him. Perceiver thought in him will become convinced that the
connection between them has now been broken. His preaching will gain an
air of finality, and cement the separation.
This leads us to a general rule. Whenever we look at the interaction
between parts of the mind, I suggest that the same principles can be
applied to the relationship between corresponding people. For instance, if
certain conflicts can occur between Exhorter strategy and Contributor
strategy, then the same incompatibilities can appear between an Exhorter
person and a Contributor person. In addition, I suggest that when some
individual is unwilling to deal with internal mental conflict, then there will
be no way to resolve the corresponding external interpersonal strife that
results.
A Because the male mind tends to emphasize abstract thought and the
female mind gravitates toward concrete thought, I suggest that these
problems are most severe when the male is the Perceiver person and the
female has the cognitive style of Mercy. Therefore, I describe this example
in terms of Perceiver husband and Mercy wife. If she is the Perceiver
person and he is the Mercy individual, then the subconscious rooms will
tend to operate more strongly and each partner will usually find it easier to
see the other person‟s point of view.