OK... so now I’m on the phone with them (either
because I’ve e-mailed them, or because I just got a
number and called). I want to get together with them for
about 30 minutes and see what they’re like as a person
and decide if they’re someone who I’d like to know better.
I’d tell them that I was about to go do something (to
remind myself and let them know that I have a life) and
then say, “Well, let’s see... what’s your schedule for the
next few days? (I choose a time based on her reply...)
Why don’t we get together tomorrow at about four. Do
you know where the blah blah blah coffee shop is? Great...
if we get along, then maybe we can go for a bite to eat...
but you know, coffee is a safe bet... this way, if you’re
scary in person, I can say, “Oh, hey... um... I just
remembered that I have to go floss my cat... it’s really
important...” and then we can call it a night.”
This makes them laugh, but it also gets them thinking,
“Who the hell is this guy to be qualifying me?” which is
perfect.
Next, tell them, “The coffee place is close to my house
so why don’t you just meet me at my place, ring the bell,
and I’ll come out and we can go... this way if you’re a few
minutes early or late, I don’t have to be waiting.” (I got
this idea from a friend of mine.)
Then I’d say, “Now, let me ask you this... what are the
chances that you’re not going to show up tomorrow? <Let
her answer> Because one of my pet peeves is people that
are late or flaky. I can deal with a lot of things, but I’m
always on time where I say I’m going to be, and I never
have an excuse or don’t show up... so I just wanted to
make sure... because if there’s one thing that could end
our friendship before it starts, it’s flakiness.” This sets the
right tone for flaking, as you can see.