178 Cognitive-Experiential Self-Theory of Personality
point of committing himself, something went wrong with the
relationship, and he and his partner parted ways. At first,
Robert attributed the partings to failings in his partners, but
after repeated reenactments, it occurred to him that he might
be ambivalent about marriage. Because this made no sense to
him, he decided to seek the help of a therapist. The therapist
instructed and trained Robert to vividly imagine being mar-
ried and coming home to his wife and children after work.
When he had the scene clearly in mind, he was asked to care-
fully attend to his feelings. To his surprise, he felt irritated
and burdened when his wife greeted him at the door and the
children eagerly began relating the events of the day. The
therapist then instructed Robert to imagine another scene in
which he had the very same feelings. His mind turned to his
childhood, and he had an image of taking care of his younger
siblings when his parents went out for entertainment. He
deeply resented having to take care of them frequently and
not being able to play with his peers. The result was that he
learned to dislike interacting with children at the experiential
level, but had never articulated this feeling at the rational
level.
As an adult, although Robert believed in his conscious, ra-
tional mind that he wanted to get married and raise a family,
in his experiential mind, the thought of being in the company
of children produced unpleasant vibes. He and his therapist
discussed whether he should follow his heart or his mind. In
order to help him to decide, the therapist pointed out that fol-
lowing his heart would be the path of least resistance. He
added that if Robert decided to follow his mind, it would be
important for him to work on overcoming his negative feel-
ings toward children. When Robert decided that is what he
wanted to do, he was given an exercise to practice in fantasy
that consisted of scenes in which Robert engaged in enjoy-
able activities with children. He was also encouraged to visu-
alize whatever occasions he could remember from his
childhood in which he enjoyed being with his siblings. He
was given other scenes to imagine, including being pleased
with himself for behaving as a better parent to his imaginary
children than his parents had behaved to him.
The more complex example is taken from a book by Alice
Epstein (1989) in which she described her use of fantasy and
other procedures designed to communicate with her experi-
ential system. She attributed a surprisingly rapid reorganiza-
tion of her personality to this procedure. She also believed
that the change in her feelings that accompanied the change
in her personality contributed to a dramatic recovery from a
life-threatening illness against all odds.
Alice began psychotherapy after receiving a diagnosis of
terminal cancer and being informed that she would not likely
live more than three months. The statistics at that time of her
diagnosis on the outcome of a metastasized hypernephroma,
the form of kidney cancer that she had, indicated that no more
than 4 in 1000 cases experienced remission from the disease,
let alone cure. Now, many years after that diagnosis, Alice has
no detectable signs of cancer and has been considered cured
for more than 15 years. Whether her belief that the psychother-
apy actually saved her life is correct is not at issue here. What
is of primary interest is the rapid resolution of deep-seated
problems through the use of fantasy that usually require a pro-
longed period of intensive psychotherapy. However, given in-
creasing evidence of the relation of emotions to the immune
system, it would be unwise to summarily reject her belief that
her psychological recovery contributed to her physical recov-
ery. It is possible that the experiential system has a relation to
physical well-being much stronger than orthodox medicine
recognizes.
The following is one of the early fantasies described by
Alice in her book: In the session preceding the fantasy, she
had expressed hostility toward her mother for her mother’s
behavior to her during a period of extended turmoil in the
household. During that period, the mother surprisingly gave
birth to Alice’s younger sister after denying being pregnant
and attributing the change in her appearance to a gain in
weight from eating too much. During the same period, the
mother’s mother, who shared the household with the family,
and to whom the mother was deeply attached, was dying of
cancer. After the session in which Alice Epstein (1989) ex-
pressed her hostility to her mother, she experienced a pro-
longed feeling of isolation and loneliness that lasted until
she reported and discussed the following fantasy with her
therapist.
My therapist and I decided to try the same technique to try to
understand my intense discomfort at being alone. Visualizing
isolation was much more difficult than visualizing pain. After
many attempts that we both rejected as trivial, I finally caught the
spirit of what I was experiencing. I saw some figures with
shrouds—very unclear. Then as they took on a more distinct
form, I saw that they were witches standing around a fire. My
therapist told me to ask them to come over to talk to us. They
were frightening to me in the light of the fire, but they were more
horrible as they came closer. They laughed at me and started to
poke at me with their sticks. The visualization was so real and
their presence was so chilling to me that I burst into tears over
the interaction with them.
My therapist told me to ask them what I could do to get
rid of the awful fear of isolation. Finally they revealed their
price. It was that I make a sacrifice so that they could be-
comebeautiful and mingle with other people. When I heard
their price I began to tremble. In an almost inaudible voice I