- Active listening: Listen patiently, then think, and then respond.
- Agree on specific appointments: Prevent misunderstandings with clear
priorities.
Communications should be free of distractions and harmonious. That does not
mean that everyone has to have the same opinion, but that each conversational
partner is treated respectfully, attentively, and as n equal. Signal your openness and
interest in them and their verbal and nonverbal messages. Harmony means consen-
sus, contact and being on the “same wavelength.” It’s hardly a coincidence that the
word “communication” is derived from Latin – andcommunismeans “common”
in the sense of “shared.” Communication is primarily about arriving at acommon
understanding.
Harmony can on the one hand be achieved by non-verbal means, such as the
posture, body language and breathing rhythm, by eye contact, a nod or a smile. On
the other hand harmony can be created verbally by repeating or briefly summarizing
the messages of your conversational partner or by putting your words in an order
that matches your partner’s internal processing strategy.
In a good conversation the harmony is mutual. Even in disagreements and
conflict conversations, both parties should try to stay in contact and maintain
the exchange, instead of resorting to unilateral verbal attacks to simply “silence”
the other person.
3.2.4.4 Active Listening
Good managers are also – and especially – good listeners, because effective
communication is always a dialog. They are open for the views of their conversa-
tional partner and do not always have to lead the conversation. In this way, they
show trust and learn decidedly more from their counterparts. Too many executives
today communicate through memos and e-mails instead of direct conversation.
Productive communication takes focused and attentive perception. This espe-
cially includes listening attentively, which is supported by observing closely. How
can we understand our conversational partner if we don’t listen to them? Similarly,
we cannot grasp their written communications if we don’t read them or just skim
them. Productive communication requires concentration. This is not easy, because
our thoughts constantly tend to wander. Especially when our heads are buzzing with
information and questions, it is difficult to completely focus on new situations.
Unwinding is a skill that many do not have. In addition, frequent disturbances
can distract us and put us under further stress. Especially in longer conversations,
our concentration often suffers.
A fundamental and indispensable technique of dialog-oriented discussion is the
previously mentioned “active” listening, which goes far beyond mere listening.
This technique aims to ensure that:
We understood what the other party really wants to say.
We can recognize whether the other party really means what they say.
142 3 Systemic Leadership or: Designing a World That Others Want to Be Part Of