a positive effect and present new prospects. When working with executives, I see
again and again how much they yearn for honest feedback. Apparently, many are
unsure as to how they come across. Often the opinions as to how managers see
themselves and how they are seen by their employees are reversed. Thus: 80% of
executives consider themselves cooperative, while 80% of their employees feel
these same executives to be authoritarian.
If a manager demands feedback he or she must be prepared to be confronted
with criticism. My impression is that most of the executives have difficulties taking
criticism, even though the ability to accept criticism and teamwork skills
are mentioned everywhere. But these are often empty words. In a discussion
a colleague once expressed the following sentiment: “Many managers think that
the ability to handle conflicts means that employees don’t break into tears when
criticized by their leaders – in other words, a call to accept the executive’s criticism
uncomplainingly. They hardly expect that an employee might contradict them or
that a dispute might ensue.”
The ability to handle conflicts has a great deal to do with the ability to make
contact. In open conflicts you can get clarity by meeting the other face to face.
Germans usually tend to carry out conflicts very seriously. Why is it so difficult to
solve a conflict with some lightness and a bit of playful belligerence for once?
Whether I as a manager really allow for conflicts depends on whether my attitude is
correct and whether I am sure that I can and want to lead people. If so, then I must
also be willing to be criticized. If someone, however, has too much self-doubt, then
they always feel their whole personality is being called into question.
Conflicts are important catalysts and engines, because they lead to – if they are
truly carried out openly and appropriate measures are taken to ensure that
arguments are only about the case and not below the belt – clarified fronts, clear
positions and the consideration of all alternatives. The parties have to have clear
positions whereas diffuse, subtle moods and opinions must be expressed as
understandable messages. This is also true for managers, who must not insist on
always being right, and should welcome conflicts and opponents.
Well-managed conflicts lead to searching for a solution, for new paths to replace
old, blocked ones that get us nowhere. Sometimes in dispute situations, or as self-
defense or as an attack, ideas are pulled from the drawer that otherwise would have
remained there for all eternity. In the “storm” creative energies can be released and
put to good use. One must, however, be able to simultaneously promote the clash
and to channel it so that nothing gets out of hand and personal attacks and
inappropriate responses are prevented.
The manager must also “balance the conflict,” i.e. keep in mind the costs and
benefits involved, as constant and intractable conflicts weaken the nerves of all
involved. What makes us sick is in most cases not an excess of work but human
interaction if it is characterized by envy, injustice and annoying communications.
Therefore, conflicts have to be openly resolved, but should never be provoked or
celebrated for conflict’s sake. A good conflict culture is also visible if the people
are not in permanent nervous tension, ready to strike back with equal force
when they are attacked. As annoying as employees, colleagues, clients or superiors
162 3 Systemic Leadership or: Designing a World That Others Want to Be Part Of