4.2.2.4 Channeling Your Own Feelings
From art to handicraft: managers have to observe only a few, simple rules of
communication in order to establish a feedback culture in their company. Thus,
criticism should always relate to the concrete behavior of others so that they really
can change it. In addition, the feedback should be specific, include examples and be
detailed in order for the other person to fully understand it. It has to aim at the
matter, and not at the person.
It is also important to realize what triggers certain behavior. Do I feel offended?
Do I feel angry? Am I sad? Though moral judgments should be avoided, emotions
are allowed. Above all, the manager has to listen and not immediately “return fire”
if he or she dislikes the other party’s standpoint. Feedback should be simply left as it
is, and we should thank our conversation partner for it.
In addition, (situational) feedback should be given as soon as possible after the
situation in question. At the same time, the right opportunity should be chosen and
the receptiveness of the other party needs to be considered. Feedback is always
subjective and therefore “I” messages are highly recommended. Leaders must
always remember, too, how they can include positive aspects in the feedback.
And always keep in mind that feedback has two sides – what you want to convey,
and what parts of your statement are received.
The provider of feedback may target actual behavior (“When I talk to you, you
always talk so fast.”), can address its impact (“I can’t even understand you when
you talk so fast.”), or express feelings (“I have always the feeling that you want to
get done talking with me as quickly as possible.”). Within the framework of the
rules described, the facets of the feedback can vary. It is dangerous however, when
personal characteristics are cited (“I have the impression that you don’t like talking
to others.”). In this case the feedback recipient may “close up” and fight back.
In my leadership seminars, we always offer the participants concrete language
support:
Those who want to give feedback can describe their perceptions (“I have
noticed...”), can talk about their feelings (“It makes me feel...”), or express their
desires (“I would like...”). They can also combine something positive (“What I
like/what I like about you is...”) with more critical points (“What bothers me/what
I would like to see more of in you is...”), and close with a specific request for the
person in question (“Therefore, I would like you to...”).
4.2.2.5 Feedback from the Bottom to the Top – Or 360 Degrees?
If the leader himself or herself is the recipient of feedback (and I hope he or she will
be as often as possible), then they should consider the following: first ensuring your
own capacity to accept feedback. Then you should listen well and actively, and ask
questions in order to understand problems. You should also feel free to write down
important points. In any case, you must avoid excuses and apologies. At the end of
4.2 Tools as Means to an End 217