‘double’ was long considered abnormal. Goethe and the French poet Alfred de Musset
experienced it. But, in a dream, although it is not uncommon, it is not considered
pathological. This phenomenon is interesting in terms of learning about I, so I decided
to collect cases and present an essay on it. Then I had my own dream of my ‘double.’
A short one, it had strong impact:
I was walking down the hallway next to a psychiatric hospital. Then, I saw
myself clearly there, wearing an ochre-colored sweater (one which, in fact, I
wear often), sitting as though waiting for an appointment. I passed by. Then
I had a feeling of surprise: This must be a dream of a double! I awoke thinking
that the one who was walking was wearing a navy blue sweater.To do ‘research’ on dreams of the double sounds somewhat like looking on from
outside. But to dream such a dream myself and, in addition, to see that the ‘other
me’ obviously was waiting to be examined as a patient—these aspects struck my heart
strongly. The one walking down the hallway was there in a ‘therapist’ role. The half
of my self was a ‘patient.’ Both of them came together there.
Adolph Guggenbuhl-Craig (1971) discusses the healer archetype in his book Power
in the Helping Professions. Any archetype includes opposite elements, e.g. therapist/
patient, healer/wounded. Thus Guggenbuhl-Craig affirms that this opposition exists
in the healer archetype. If a therapist simply defines herself or himself as a ‘healthy
person without ailment,’ this archetype gets split and the therapist becomes just a
therapist and the patient just a patient. Sadly the patient then loses the opportunity
of healing the self through the functioning of the healer archetype. In order to prevent
such a splitting of the archetype, the therapist first has to recognize the patient that
exists within herself or himself. Therefore, meeting myself as a patient in that dream
was meaningful to me in carrying on my work as a psychotherapist.
Having little awareness of ‘the patient,’ I actually became a patient in my own
dream. Experiencing the encounter of the therapist-self with the patient-self was
significant in reinforcing my consciousness of our fundamental coexistence. To ‘Who
am I?,’ I can answer, ‘I am a psychotherapist.’ But the answer to the question ‘What
is I?’ must be, ‘I am a psychotherapist and at the same time a patient.’ Isn’t it wonderful
that a dream can actually make one feel this!
The world of Hua-yenI am a therapist as well as a patient. Recalling the dreams I have presented so far, I
can also say that I am an animal as well as Kannon. In a psychotherapy session, quite
often I feel myself sitting like a rock or a patient or Kannon, rather than as a ‘therapist.’
These other ways seem to have better results. So I easily become this or that. Then,
if I were asked afresh, ‘What is I?’ what could I say?
While I was preoccupied with the above ideas, I encountered the world of the
Garland Sutra. It is very difficult to read this sutra. So, I just keep reading,
half-sleeping and skimming, on and on. But, when I enter that world in such a manner
WHAT IS I? 139