5“Each husband, each father, should ask some
questions of himself to see if he may be on the
borderline of unrighteous dominion:
“1. Do I criticize family members more than I
compliment them?
“2. Do I insist that family members obey me because
I am the father or husband and hold the priesthood?
“3. Do I seek happiness more at work or somewhere
other than in my home?
“4. Do my children seem reluctant to talk to me
about some of their feelings and concerns?
“5. Do I attempt to guarantee my place of authority
by physical discipline or punishment?
“6. Do I find myself setting and enforcing numerous
rules to control family members?
“7. Do family members appear to be fearful of me?
“8. Do I feel threatened by the notion of sharing with
other family members the power and responsibility
for decision making in the family?
“9. Is my wife highly dependent on me and unable
to make decisions for herself?
“10. Does my wife complain that she has insufficient
funds to manage the household because I control
all the money?
“11. Do I insist on being the main source of
inspiration for each individual family member rather
than teaching each child to listen to the Spirit?
“12. Do I often feel angry and critical toward family
members?
“If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then
we may need to evaluate our relationship with our
family members. For one who holds the priesthood,
the best test as to whether he is trying to control the
lives of family members can be found by examining
his relationship with the Lord. If a man feels a
reduction or withdrawal of the Holy Ghost (mani-
fested by contention, disunity, or rebellion), he may
know that he is exercising unrighteous dominion”
(“Unrighteous Dominion,” Ensign,July 1989, 10–11).
Sister Aileen H. Clyde
“If charity is not always quick to our understanding,
it may occasionally be quick to our misunderstanding.
It is not charity or kindness to endure any type of
abuse or unrighteousness that may be inflicted on
us by others. God’s commandment that as we love
him we must respect ourselves suggests we must not
accept disrespect from others. It is not charity to let
another repeatedly deny our divine nature and
agency. It is not charity to bow down in despair
and helplessness. That kind of suffering should be
ended, and that is very difficult to do alone. There
are priesthood leaders and other loving servants
who will give aid and strength when they knowof
the need. We must be willing to let others help us”
(in Conference Report, Oct. 1991, 107; or Ensign,
Nov. 1991, 77).HEALING THE
TRAGIC SCARS OF ABUSE
Elder Richard G. Scott
Of the Quorum
of the Twelve Apostles
In Conference Report, Apr.
1992, 43–46; or Ensign,
May 1992, 31–The Tragic Scars of Abuse
I speak from the depths of my heart to each one of
you who have been scarred by the ugly sin of abuse,
whether you are a member or nonmember of the
Church. I would prefer a private setting to discuss
this sensitive subject and ask that the Holy Spirit
help us both that you may receive the relief of the
Lord from the cruelty that has scarred your life.
Unless healed by the Lord, mental, physical, or
sexual abuse can cause you serious, enduring
consequences. As a victim you have experienced
some of them. They include fear, depression, guilt,
self-hatred, destruction of self-esteem, and alienation
from normal human relationships. When aggravated
by continued abuse, powerful emotions of rebellion,
anger, and hatred are generated. These feelings
often are focused against oneself, others, life itself,
and even Heavenly Father. Frustrated efforts to fight
back can degenerate into drug abuse, immorality,
abandonment of home, and, tragically in extreme
cases, suicide. Unless corrected, these feelings lead
to despondent lives, discordant marriages, and even
the transition from victim to abuser. One awful
result is a deepening lack of trust in others, which
becomes a barrier to healing.ABUSE