The Choice

parties, when other women Ęirted with Todd, she would feel chills of
jealousy or inadequacy. Sometimes she scolded Todd aer parties if he
had appeared to Ęirt back. Sometimes he would reassure her,
sometimes he would express irritation at her insecurities. She tried not
to be the nagging girlfriend. She tried to ĕnd ways to be indispensable
t o him. She became his main academic support. He struggled to
maintain the passing grades that his athletic scholarship required. At
ĕrst Elise helped him study for tests. en she started helping with his
homework. Soon she was writing his papers for him, staying up late to
do his work in addition to her own.
Consciously or not, Elise found a way to make Todd dependent on
her. e relationship would have to last, because he needed her in
order to maintain his scholarship and everything it enabled. e
feeling of being indispensable was so intoxicating and soothing that
Elise’s life became organized around one equation: e more I do for
him, the more he’ll love me. Without realizing it, she had begun to
equate her sense of self-worth with having his love.
Recently, Todd had confessed something that Elise had always
feared would happen: He had slept with another woman. She was
angry and hurt. He was apologetic and tearful. But he hadn’t been
able to break things off with the other woman. He loved her. He was
sorry. He hoped he and Elise could still be friends.
Elise could barely force herself to leave the apartment that ĕrst
week. She had no appetite. She couldn’t get dressed. She was terriĕed
of being alone, and she was ashamed. She realized how completely she
had let her relationship direct her life—and at what cost. en Todd
called. He wanted to know if she could do a huge favor for him if she
wasn’t too busy. He had a paper due on Monday. Could she write it?
She wrote the paper for him. And the next one. And the next one.
“I gave him everything,” she said. She was crying.
“Honey, that was your ĕrst mistake. You martyred yourself to him.