almostsaidthatnothinggivesmejoybutisn’tittruethatIhavemyhusband
and my children and I hope that time will also heal this wound some nice
news from you which I yearn for terribly much would do a lot but I miss
a female to confide in I do have Trine of course but despite the fact that I
like her very much I feel that she is not after all my sister and when I look
atthedearchildrenandthinkwhatthey havelostthenyoucanbelievethat
a person could certainly become sorrowful.” At this point, about halfway
throughherletter,PetreaSeverineputstheonlyperiodintheentireepistle.
The remainder deals with the latest goings-on in Copenhagen, but she is
more or less indifferent about all that: She has already written the most
importantpart,andsosheconcludestheletterabruptly,notevenbothering
toput afinalperiod attheend.Nor didsheever sendtheletter. Sheburied
it in a dresser drawer and thereby bequeathed to posterity the only known
bit of written testimony about herself.
In the ensuing months Peter Christian visited the motherless children
regularly. He tutored them a bit, but his offer to move in with their family
was vetoed by Kierkegaard the elder; the father explained that his prohibi-
tion was “for Søren’s sake.” Peter Christian was apparently the only one
capable of managing the various practical matters involved, but it was a
struggle for hi mbecause he was by nature neither decisive nor energetic.
He was always of two minds about things, and Søren Aabye called him
“pusillanimous,” an odd term, which really means “having the spirit of
a boy or an infant,” “cowardly,” “worried in unmanly fashion,” “fickle-
minded,”oreven“narrow-minded.”Whentheprofessorshipinphilosophy
at the University of Kristiania [now Oslo] fell vacant, Peter Christian was
for a time tempted to apply for it but he abandoned his plans after Mynster
intimatedthatitwouldbeawasteofintellectualresourcestosendamanlike
himtoNorway!SoheremainedinCopenhagenandwastedhisintellectual
resources as a private tutor for mediocre theology students and as a teacher
at the Borgerdyd School. “He teaches,” the Rudelbach sisters wrote in a
letterdatedJanuary21,1833,“twenty-fourhourseachweekattheBorger-
dydSchool:Latin,Greek,andreligion.Hedebatestwiceaweekinadebat-
ing society whose purpose is to exercise its members in the art of debate.”
His indecisiveness resurfaced when a clerical call on the Øeland peninsula
in Jutland fell vacant. Peter Christian wanted to get away fro m“the capital,
with its capital temptations,” but by the time he made up his mind to apply
forposition,someoneelsehadalreadytakenit,andhehadtoapplyforacall
on the north Jutland island of Mors—“in accordance with Father’s wishes;
whether it is in accordance with my own, I myself hardly know.” At the
endofFebruary1833helearnedthathehadbeenappointedtotheposition,
but then he fell into uncertainty and looked fora sign by opening the Bible40 {1813–1834}