workFor Self-Examination. Fibiger had put flowers in his room, but Kier-
kegaard did not want them put in water, and he put them inside his closet.
“It is the fate of flowers that they must bloom and give off a scent and die,”
he confided to Boesen, who presumably understood the symbolism. “At
night she is the supervisor [of the hospital]. In the daytime she supervises
me,” Kierkegaard subsequently said to Boesen, adding in hushed tones that
the night nurse had told him confidentially: “What is more, she [Head Nurse
Fibiger] weeps for you.”
THURSDAY,OCTOBER18. Kierkegaard was very weak. His head hung
down on his breast, and his hands were trembling. He dozed a little, but
was awakened by his cough. Boesen paid him a visit and asked if he was
still able to collect his thoughts. Most of the time it was fine, Kierkegaard
replied, though at night it could be a little difficult. And could he pray to
God in peace? “Yes, I can do that. So I pray first for the forgiveness of sins,
that everything might be forgiven; then I pray that I might be free of despair
at the time of my death....Andthen I pray for something I very much
want, that is, that I might be aware a bit in advance of when death will
come.” That Thursday there was fine, clear autumn weather, and Boesen
could not keep himself from suggesting that they take a walk together as
they had done in the old days. Kierkegaard endorsed the idea, but that was
all: “Yes, there is only one thing wrong. I am unable to walk. There is
another method of transport, however. I can be lifted up. I have had the
feeling of becoming an angel, of getting wings, and that is of course what
must happen: to straddle a cloud and sing, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelu-
jah. Any fool can say this, but it depends on how it is said.”
“And all that, of course, is because you believe in Christ and take
refuge in Him in God’s name?”“Yes, of course, what else?”Next, Boesen wanted to know whether Kierkegaard might wish to change
anything in his final pronouncements, which of course did not correspond
to reality, but were altogether too strict.
“Do you think I should tone it down, by speaking first to awaken
people, and then to calm them down? Why do you want to bother
me with this!...Youhave no idea what sort of a poisonous plant
Mynster was. You have no idea of it; it is staggering how it has spread
its corruption. He was a colossus. Great strength was required to topple
him, and the person who did it also had to pay for it. When hunters
go after a wild boar they choose a certain dog and know very well