Soren Kierkegaard

how things actually seemed to me. On the other hand, now, when I try to
get a clear look at my life, it seems otherwise to me.” It is uncertain which
were the “preceding” pages; most likely this refers to the pages addressed
to P. W. Lund, but in any case it is certain that the problems discussed in
those earlier pages remained unresolved: “What I really need is to be clear
aboutwhat I am to do, not about what I must know, except insofar as knowl-
edge must precede every action. It is a question of understanding my des-
tiny, of seeing what the Deity really wantsmeto do. It is a question of
finding a truth that is truthfor me, of findingthe idea for which I am willing to
live and die. And what would it profit me if I discovered a so-called objective
truth; if I worked my way through the systems of the philosophers and was
able to parade them forth on demand; if I was able to demonstrate the
inconsistencies within each individual circle... .—what would it profit me
if I were able to expound the significance of Christianity, able to explain
many individual points, if it held no deeper significance formeand formy
life?... What would it profit me if the truth stood before me, cold and
naked, not caring whether I acknowledged it or not, calling forth an an-
guished shudder rather than confident submission? I will certainly not deny
that I still believe in the validity of animperative of knowledgethat has an
influence upon men,but it nonetheless must become a living part of me, andthis
is what I now understand to be the heart of the matter. It is for this my soul
thirsts, as the deserts of Africa thirst for water.”
These breathless, rhetorical questions have subsequently assumed a per-
manent position in pretty nearly every introduction to existentialism as a
sort of manifesto of authenticity. And from a biographical point of view
this entry is of great interest because it resembles the greatbreakthrough texts
one finds in Augustine or Luther, for example. Finally (one almost sighs),
the young, eccentric man has attained clarity about his task and his destiny.
It only remains for him to realize these mighty visions. Usually, however,
the last portion of the entry is not cited, and this might well be because
people are not happy with what Kierkegaard has to say next: “But in order
to find that idea, or rather, to find myself, it will not profit me to plunge
even more deeply into the world. That was precisely what I did before.
Thus I thought it would be a good idea to throw myself intojurisprudence
in order to develop insight into the manifold complexities of life. Indeed,
here there beckoned a great mass of detail in which I could lose myself;
here I could perhaps construct a totality from the available facts—a criminal
life in its organic wholeness—and could pursue it in all its darkness....
Thus I could wish to becomean actorso that by putting myself in someone
else’s role I could obtain, so to speak, a surrogate for my own life.”