this exploration than our projections on “real people” because
unrelated aspects of our relationships with them can distort the
picture.
Evelyn and Eric saw several strengths in Simon, which at
first they could not recognize in themselves. They admired him
as street smart, courageous, and very generous. I encouraged
them during a group meeting to remember a time — even if it
were long ago or under unusual circumstances — when they
were in touch with at least part of these qualities.
Evelyn was surprised to find that, many years ago, she had
been quite courageous when she confronted her older brother
because he had lied to her. He was so much bigger than she.
She was afraid of him but confronted him anyway because it
seemed the right thing to do.
Eric recalled that he had recently asked his boss for a pro-
motion, which seemed scary and required courage.
Both Eric and Evelyn at first could not recognize much
generosity in their own characters. But other group members
reminded them that each had told about gifts they had given to
friends that the group had considered generous. Evelyn and
Eric were a little surprised to hear this but saw that it was true.
Both felt that they wanted to become even more courageous
and generous.
They also thought about the street smarts they had seen in
Simon. They did not believe that they had even a trace of this
quality in themselves, and neither thought he or she would be
able to develop it more as adults.
Evelyn’s and Eric’s Quadrant III looked something like this:
Evelyn and Eric’s Quadrant III
Qualities or
capacities you like in yourself
are not fully always III
aware of courage, generosity142 E-Motion Picture Magic