could help you overcome this “deficiency.” Maybe
even these efforts would not make you sing especially
well. A perceived shortcoming could be your belief
that you do not deserve to be loved. You might have
developed this belief early in your life because you
were rarely treated with loving attention. An honest
compassionate friend would tell you, though, that
you deserve to be loved.
If you are not sure whether your shortcomings are
real or perceived, take the Honest-Compassionate-
Friend-Test. In your imagination ask an honest and
compassionate fantasy friend who knows everything
about you whether a specific shortcoming is real or
if you just perceive it as such. This way you access
your deep inner knowing about the distinction you
are trying to make.
You might also ask a real friend who knows you
intimately. If you ask a real person, be aware that
nobody understands you as well as you do when you
are really in touch with your deep inner wisdom.
Besides, a friend might have his or her own, possibly
unconscious though well-meaning, agenda that
might interfere with an honest response. Now list
your real and perceived shortcomings separately.
Perceived shortcomings: Real shortcomings:
Exercise 5: Releasing Negative Beliefs
Perceived shortcomings are based on negative
beliefs about yourself like I do not deserve to be
Powerful Tools for Healing and Growth — The Growth Matrix 167