The Washington Post - USA (2022-02-13)

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 13 , 2022. THE WASHINGTON POST PG EE E5

anger, but with a wider view concerning what

you are doing, and why, and how you want to

look back on all of it.

You might consider switching the order of

these ceremonies — if possible, having your

foreign nuptials first, followed by another

blessing and small reception at a later date in

the States.

Dear Amy: I did something I now realize was

pretty stupid.

Out of boredom, really, I became involved

in a sexual relationship with one of my

roommates. There was some attraction there

— certainly at first — but I can tell that she

has grown to really care about me at about

the same rate that I have grown not to care

too much for her.

I don’t want to blame the pandemic for my

own choices, but I do know that if we hadn’t

been sort of stuck together in this housing

situation, this relationship wouldn’t have

happened.

I know I need to break up, but I’m

dreading it.

A little help, please?

— Trapped

Trapped: Your boredom got you into this and

your cowardice is keeping you in it.

It looks like it’s time to grow up.

I suggest that, if possible, you look for

other housing and make basic plans for your

future that involve you being the change

agent in your own life.

You should be completely honest with your

roommate. Tell her, “It’s not you, it’s me.” Stop

sleeping with her. Tolerate any confusion she

expresses, don’t blame her for any of this, and

do your best to exit peacefully.

Dear Amy: The question from “Ally” caught

my eye. Ally and his wife had been given a

rainbow flag from their daughter and her

partner for Christmas.

Thank you for including your perspective

about the daughter’s possible motives for

presenting this flag.

I especially appreciated the part where you

said that if they don’t want to fly the flag, they

shouldn’t. It’s their house.

— Also an Ally

Ally: All of the players here really needed to

talk about it.

Amy's column appears seven days a week at

washingtonpost.com/advice. Write to

[email protected] or Amy Dickinson, P.O.

Box 194, Freeville, N.Y. 13068.  You can also

follow her @askingamy.

© 2 022 by Amy Dickinson distributed by Tribune Content

Agency

Dear Amy: My fiance and I
recently became engaged. He
is originally from another
country, and his family still
lives there. Because of covid- 19
restrictions and the visa
process, most are unable to travel to the
United States for a wedding, so we decided to
host (and pay for) a small U.S. ceremony and
have a big wedding in his home country
(where costs are much lower).
My parents have stated that they will not
travel, even though they take trips elsewhere.
We are deeply hurt and disappointed by this.
My fiance is especially hurt, because this may
be their only opportunity to meet his family.
Initially, we wanted to include our families
in the planning, but my parents have argued
every step of the way.
I called my mother to invite her to look at a
venue; it ended with her insulting me and
then hanging up on me.
My fiance and I looked at the venue, loved
it, and booked it on the spot. My mother was
then devastated that she was not included.
We also told my parents that we would not
be able to include some of their friends on
our guest list but that they were welcome to
invite these friends if they covered the cost. (I
have not seen most of these people in several
years, and none have met my fiance.)
Both parents called me several times
during my workday and sent me multiple
harsh emails.
My parents have complained about the
situation to other family members, who have
told us that we are wrong for “ruining their
day.”
We’re at the point where we are
considering canceling our wedding in the
United States.
Are we wrong? Aside from continuing to
enforce boundaries, how do we handle
“Momzilla”?
— Bride-to-Be in Conn.

Bride-to-Be: You are trying to set and
enforce boundaries, but so far, you seem to be
closing the gate after your folks have already
scaled the wall.
You are paying for this entire affair. You
and your fiance are the hosts. Your folks
should be treated as honored guests: invited,
given appropriate seating and roles during
the ceremony and reception, but — NO
control over your plans, because they are
demonstrating that they can’t handle being
included.
You should not welcome them to invite
people to your wedding and reception whom
you have no desire to see.
I think you should take a deep breath and
make a real choice about what you want to do
next — not reacting out of this moment’s

Bride’s plan for small wedding

thwarted by p arents’ demands

Ask Amy

AMY
DICKINSON

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