130 ■ FLOWof the basic rules for interaction in our culture, which holds that talking
about the weather is a safe way to establish contact between people.
Finally, by emphasizing that the weather is “nice” I imply the shared
value that “niceness” is a desirable attribute. So the offhand remark
becomes a message that helps keep the content of my acquaintance’s
mind in its accustomed order. His answer “Yeah, it’s great, isn’t it?” will
help to keep order in mine. Without such constant restatements of the
obvious, Berger and Luckmann claim, people would soon begin to have
doubts about the reality of the world in which they live. The obvious
phrases we exchange with each other, the trivial talk dribbling from
radios and TV sets, reassure us that everything is all right, that the usual
conditions of existence prevail.
The pity is that so many conversations end right there. Yet when
words are well chosen, well arranged, they generate gratifying experi
ences for the listener. It is not for utilitarian reasons alone that breadth
of vocabulary and verbal fluency are among the most important qualifi
cations for success as a business executive. Talking well enriches every
interaction, and it is a skill that can be learned by everyone.
One way to teach children the potential of words is by starting to
expose them to wordplay quite early. Puns and double meanings may
be the lowest form of humor for sophisticated adults, but they provide
children with a good training ground in the control of language. All one
has to do is pay attention during a conversation with a child, and as soon
as the opportunity presents itself—that is, whenever an innocent word
or expression can be interpreted in an alternative way—one switches
frames, and pretends to understand the word in that different sense.
The first time children realize that the expression “having
Grandma for dinner” could mean either as a guest or as a dish, it will
be somewhat puzzling, as will a phrase like “a frog in the throat.” In fact,
breaking the ordered expectations about the meaning of words can be
mildly traumatic at first, but in no time at all children catch on and give
as good as they are getting, learning to twist conversation into pretzels.
By doing so they learn how to enjoy controlling words; as adults, they
might help revive the lost art of conversation.
The major creative use of language, already mentioned several
times in earlier contexts, is poetry. Because verse enables the mind to
preserve experiences in condensed and transformed form, it is ideal for
giving shape to consciousness. Reading from a book of poems each night
is to the mind as working out on a Nautilus is to the body—a way for
staying in shape. It doesn’t have to be “great” poetry, at least not at first.
And it is not necessary to read an entire poem. What’s important is to