ENJOYING SOLITUDE AND OTHER PEOPLE • 1 65solitude brings about in milder form the disorienting symptoms of sen
sory deprivation. Yet unless one learns to tolerate and even enjoy being
alone, it is very difficult to accomplish any task that requires undivided
concentration. For this reason, it is essential to find ways to control
consciousness even when we are left to our own devices.
THE CONFLICT BETWEEN BEING ALONE AND
BEING WITH OTHERS
Of the things that frighten us, the fear of being left out of the flow of
human interaction is certainly one of the worst. There is no question
that we are social animals; only in the company of other people do we
feel complete. In many preliterate cultures solitude is thought to be so
intolerable that a person makes a great effort never to be alone; only
witches and shamans feel comfortable spending time by themselves. In
many different human societies—Australian Aborigines, Amish farm
ers, West Point cadets—the worst sanction the community can issue is
shunning. The person ignored grows gradually depressed, and soon
begins to doubt his or her very existence. In some societies the final
outcome of being ostracized is death: the person who is left alone comes
to accept the fact that he must be already dead, since no one pays
attention to him any longer; little by little he stops taking care of his
body, and eventually passes away. The Latin locution for “being alive”
was inter hominem esse, which literally meant “to be among men”;
whereas “to be dead” was inter hominem esse desinere, or “to cease to be
among men.” Exile from the city was, next to being killed outright, the
most severe punishment for a Roman citizen; no matter how luxurious
his country estate, if banished from the company of his peers the urban
Roman became an invisible man. The same bitter fate is well known to
contemporary New Yorkers whenever for some reason they have to
leave their city.
The density of human contacts that great cities afford is like a
soothing balm; people in such centers relish it even when the interac
tions it provides may be unpleasant or dangerous. The crowds streaming
along Fifth Avenue may contain an abundance of muggers and weirdos;
nevertheless, they are exciting and reassuring. Everyone feels more alive
when surrounded with other people.
Social science surveys have universally concluded that people
claim to be most happy with friends and family, or just in the company
of others. When they are asked to list pleasant activities that improve
their mood for the entire day, the kind of events most often mentioned