ENJOYING SOLITUDE AND OTHER PEOPLE ■ 171sures that attention can be focused on something that, although painful,
is at least controllable—since we are the ones causing it.
The ultimate test for the ability to control the quality of experi
ence is what a person does in solitude, with no external demands to give
structure to attention. It is relatively easy to become involved with a job,
to enjoy the company of friends, to be entertained in a theater or at a
concert. But what happens when we are left to our own devices? Alone,
when the dark night of the soul descends, are we forced into frantic
attempts to distract the mind from its coming? Or are we able to take
on activities that are not only enjoyable, but make the self grow?
To fill free time with activities that require concentration, that
increase skills, that lead to a development of the self, is not the same
as killing time by watching television or taking recreational drugs. Al
though both strategies might be seen as different ways of coping with
the same threat of chaos, as defenses against ontological anxiety, the
former leads to growth, while the latter merely serves to keep the mind
from unraveling. A person who rarely gets bored, who does not con
stantly need a favorable external environment to enjoy the moment, has
passed the test for having achieved a creative life.
Learning to use time alone, instead of escaping from it, is espe
cially important in our early years. Teenagers who can’t bear solitude
disqualify themselves from later carrying out adult tasks that require
serious mental preparation. A typical scenario familiar to many parents
involves a teenager who comes back from school, drops the books in his
bedroom, and after taking a snack from the refrigerator immediately
heads for the phone to get in touch with his friends. If there is nothing
going on there, he will turn on the stereo or the TV. If by any chance
he is tempted to open a book, the resolve is unlikely to last long. To
study means to concentrate on difficult patterns of information, and
sooner or later even the most disciplined mind drifts away from the
relentless templates on the page to pursue more pleasant thoughts. But
it is difficult to summon up pleasant thoughts at will. Instead, one’s mind
typically is besieged by the usual visitors: the shadowy phantoms that
intrude on the unstructured mind. The teenager begins to worry about
his looks, his popularity, his chances in life. To repel these intrusions
he must find something else to occupy his consciousness. Studying won’t
do, because it is too difficult. The adolescent is ready to do almost
anything to take his mind off this situation—provided it does not take
too much psychic energy. The usual solution is to turn back to the
familiar routine of music, TV, or a friend with whom to while the time
away.