ENJOYING SOLITUDE AND OTHER PEOPLE ■ 183tunities for action outside those sanctioned by adults. The only outlets
they find, all too often, are vandalism, delinquency, drugs, and recrea
tional sex. Under existing conditions, it is very difficult for parents to
compensate for the poverty of opportunities in the culture at large. In
this respect, families living in the richest suburbs are barely better off
than families living in the slums. What can a strong, vital, intelligent
fifteen-year-old do in your typical suburb? If you consider that question
you will probably conclude that what is available is either too artificial,
or too simple, or not exciting enough to catch a teenager’s imagination.
It is not surprising that athletics are so important in suburban schools;
compared to the alternatives, they provide some of the most concrete
chances to exercise and display one’s skills.
But there are some steps that families can take to partially alleviate
this wasteland of opportunities. In older times, young men left home for
a while as apprentices and traveled to distant towns to be exposed to
new challenges. Today something similar exists in America for late
teens: the custom of leaving home for college. The problem remains with
the period of puberty, roughly the five years between twelve and seven
teen: What meaningful challenges can be found for young people that
age? The situation is much easier when the parents themselves are
involved in understandable and complex activities at home. If the par
ents enjoy playing music, cooking, reading, gardening, carpentry, or
fixing engines in the garage, then it is more likely that their children will
find similar activities challenging, and invest enough attention in them
to begin enjoy doing something that will help them grow. If parents just
talked more about their ideals and dreams—even if these had been
frustrated—the children might develop the ambition needed to break
through the complacency of their present selves. If nothing else, discus
sing one’s job or the thoughts and events of the day, and treating
children as young adults, as friends, help to socialize them into thought
ful adults. But if the father spends all his free time at home vegetating
in front of the TV set with a glass of alcohol in his hand, children will
naturally assume that adults are boring people who don’t know how to
have fun, and will turn to the peer group for enjoyment.
In poorer communities youth gangs provide plenty of real chal
lenges for boys. Fights, acts of bravado, and ritual displays such as
motorcycle gang parades match the youths’ skills with concrete oppor
tunities. In affluent suburbs not even this arena for action is available
to teenagers. Most activities, including school, recreation, and employ
ment, are under adult control and leave little room for the youths’
initiative. Lacking any meaningful outlet for their skills and creativity,